ACT THREE
INT. DR. HIBBERT'S OFFICE - DAY
HOMER IS SITTING IN THE EXAMINATION CHAIR LOOKING ANNOYED,
NOW EVEN THINNER; MARGE IS NEXT TO HIM. DR. HIBBERT WALKS
IN.
DR. HIBBERT
Now, your wife tells me that
you've been losing a lot of weight
and you're not sure why.
HOMER
Maybe God loves me?
(Defensive)
Look, I don't care why, all I know
is that I feel great. A little
light headed, maybe, but still
great!
DR. HIBBERT
(To Marge)
Tell me, has Homer been
experiencing any other signs of...
well, illness?
MARGE
No, not really.
DR. HIBBERT
I suppose it could be Narcolepsy,
but that wouldn't explain such
rapid weight loss.
(Beat)
Hold on, we may need to take a few
X-Rays.
INT. DR. HIBBERT'S OFFICE - LATER
AN X-RAY OF HOMER'S STOMACH IS ON THE PROJECTOR, INFESTED
WITH A LARGE TAPEWORM.
HOMER
That thing is inside me?
DR. HIBBERT
Yes, it's hooked onto your large
intestine, eating everything you
eat; slowly draining you.
HOMER
So it's like a baby?
DR. HIBBERT
Not really, maybe a lit--
HOMER
Cool. Maybe I can teach it to like
chili.
DR. HIBBERT
Homer, this is serious. If you
don't get it removed it will kill
you.
HOMER
Okay, what do I need to do?
DR. HIBBERT
You can't eat anything for the
next twenty four hours, then you
need to take this pill.
HOMER
D'oh!
INT. SIMPSON HOME/LIVING ROOM - DUSK
HOMER IS SITTING ON THE COUCH BETWEEN BART AND LISA, MARGE
IS HOLDING A TIMER.
MARGE
You still have another twenty
three and a half hours left,
starting now.
MARGE SITS THE TIMER ON THE TABLE.
LISA
How did you even get a tape worm
anyway?
HOMER
I dunno. How do you get a tape
worm?
LISA
Eating raw or undercooked food,
mostly meat.
HOMER
Nothing comes to mind.
(Beat)
Oh wait, there was that steak I
ate the other night.
BART
Raw?
HOMER
I was gonna deep fry it, but
someone put a padlock on the
fryer.
MARGE
You could have pan fried it.
HOMER
I was tired. I didn't wanna go
back to bed with an empty stomach
though.
BART
Wait. Since when do we have steak
just lying around?
HOMER LOOKS AT HIS WATCH FOR A MOMENT.
HOMER
Well, that killed five minutes.
HOMER STARTS TWIDDLING HIS THUMBS, THE REST OF THE FAMILY
LOOK AROUND AWKWARDLY. HOMER GRABS THE REMOTE AND TURNS ON
THE TV.
KENT BROCKMAN (V.O.)
...Unfortunately, the orangutan
had to be put down. And now,
sports!
HOMER
Ohh, I never would have let that
happen. Not until I got bored with
it at least.
SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER LETS OUT A SCARED YELP. EVERYONE
CONTINUES TO FIDGET NERVOUSLY.
HOMER
I need food!
HOMER RUSHES TOWARDS THE KITCHEN, THE FAMILY LEAPS AT HIM
AND GRAB HIS ANKLES. HOMER LIES DOWN AND STARTS WHIMPERING.
HOMER (CONT'D)
I'm just so hungy...
(Continues sobbing)
Now I'm tired... See ya in the
mornin' folks.
CLOSE ON: HOMER FALLS ASLEEP AND STARTS SNORING.
FADE TO BLACK.
INT. SIMPSON HOME/LIVING ROOM - LATER
TIMER BUZZING
HOMER GETS UP, MARGE IS HOLDING A PLASTIC CUP WITH A PILL IN
IT.
MARGE
It's time.
HOMER TAKES THE PILL AND CHEWS IT.
HOMER
Okay, now what?
HOMER CLUTCHES HIS STOMACH, THEN RUNS FOR THE BATHROOM.
THE END.
HOMER
(Strained)
Oh God, it's like passing a brick!
(Beat)
Oh, wait...